does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
