if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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