why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Randomize
