He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
