Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
