i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
