Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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