I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
