yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
