Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
