i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
