my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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