New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Randomize
