I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
This house was built for laser tag.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
