She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
