I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
You left your underwear on the fireplace
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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