and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
