Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
