I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
