Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
