It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
