What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
please don't ironically join a cult
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