we're chasing vodka with high fives
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
