Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Randomize
