Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
