I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
