If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
