i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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