we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
