The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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