i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
worst night to have a conscience
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
