mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
We have started to decorate penises.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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