I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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