if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Randomize
