At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Randomize
