Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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