Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
