I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
