It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize
