I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Swine flu is the new snow day.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
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