If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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