guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
