I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
