if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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