He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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