I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Randomize
