Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
