The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
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