they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
