At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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