go do what you do best...puke behind churches
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
