I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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