I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
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