It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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