She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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