What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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