yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
we're making bets on your personal life
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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