Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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