Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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