I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
