I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Hippo gnu deer
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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