dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
