dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
