I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize