I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Randomize
