Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
