Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
