i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
