What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
cat food counts as protein by the way
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
