WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
