So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
