these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
