he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
