I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
