sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
