i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
