considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
