Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Randomize
