I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You're earring is so big in my mouth
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
